There are tons of ways women dream of getting married, but a surprise wedding usually isn’t one of them.
Trying on wedding dresses, throwing a bachelorette party, selecting wedding vendors, and everything else involved in planning a traditional wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and not something brides want to give up. For this bride, it definitely was not.
When her boyfriend caught her off guard with a surprise wedding ceremony in front of all their friends and family, this woman couldn’t help but turn him down. She then asked the internet, “[Am I a bad person] for leaving my surprise wedding because I felt blindsided?”
Here’s how the story unfolded:
Who’s the couple?
The bride, or original poster (OP), has been dating her boyfriend for five years. They had discussed marriage before but had done no real wedding planning.
Based on her post, the bride and her boyfriend (the groom) were not engaged. OP is 30, and her boyfriend is 32.
How did the groom plan a surprise wedding?
The groom, careful not to spoil the surprise, told OP that they were invited to a fancy party. She dressed her best for the event and was shocked to be greeted by all her friends and family cheering when she arrived at the grand venue—not exactly the guests she was expecting.
The groom planned the entire surprise wedding without her knowledge.
How did the bride react?
OP pulled the groom aside to communicate that she would have wanted to be involved in wedding planning and also had concerns about not preparing for such a monumental decision.
To her, “the idea of getting married without any prior discussion or consent felt like a breach of trust.”
She would be giving up things like picking bridesmaid dresses, finding the perfect wedding planner, and coming up with a guest list of all their loved ones for their special day.
What did the groom say?
The groom dismissed the OP’s concerns, stating that she complained about how stressful wedding planning can be. He thought it would be a grand romantic gesture.
He also cited that OP loves surprises, so he thought this approach would be perfect and that they could legally marry a few days later in a courthouse wedding.
Did the bride agree to go through with the wedding?
OP decided not to proceed with the surprise wedding, citing that “marriage should be a joint decision, with open communication and shared expectations.”
Were the bride and groom’s friends and family mad at the bride for canceling the surprise wedding?
The bride and groom’s families, along with some of the friends, believe that OP overreacted and “spoiled a beautiful moment.”
Everyone thinks OP is in the wrong because she could have gone along with the party and had a redo at the legal ceremony after the surprise wedding.
Is the couple breaking up?
The couple’s family and friends were left confused, asking if they were breaking up after the disastrous would-be wedding day. At the time of publication, the OP had no plans to break up with the groom.
So, is the bride actually the wrong party here? The internet had some strong opinions:
He should probably propose first
“’I’d like to thank you all for coming to my wedding, but first I better go and propose to the girl,’” mocked one response of the groom.
Another commenter chimed in, “So sad when you put it that way. She missed out on getting proposed to, picking out a dress, asking her friends to be bridesmaids, picking when, and then anticipating all of it.”
The wedding could have just been a surprise engagement party
“It’s just like. A surprise engagement party was right there. Right there!”
He wanted an easy out
“He hadn’t even proposed yet. Imagine not being able to do something as simple as designing your invitations or going dress shopping…OP is robbed of months of planning and excitement in advance.
“It sounds like (the groom) just wanted an easy out, even with OP’s edit. No fuss about the venue, flowers, music, menu, and anything else, no bachelors, bridal showers, and whatever else.”
The groom was inconsiderate, only thinking of himself
“He created and executed a romantic fantasy for himself so that he could be the big hero around the family members. Thinking that she couldn’t refuse in such a public forum, he was shocked and angered when he realized his fantasy wasn’t going to come true.”
His intentions may have been misplaced, but his reaction is the problem
One user had more sympathy, saying that what put the groom in the wrong wasn’t how he approached the couple’s wedding but that “He refused to listen to her once the surprise was sprung. He put her in a position where there was a huge amount of pressure on her all at once, even more so than with a surprise proposal.”
The bride should break up with him
The internet never fails to deliver a good meme, and in this case, they were comparing the groom’s behavior to that of Disney Beauty and the Beast character Gaston, who infamously organized a failed surprise wedding for Belle.
In the words of one user, “Nooooooo onnnnneeeee…Lies like Gaston. Thinks surprise like Gaston. Organizes a fake wedding and gaslights like Gaston. Please be immediately separating.”
This article was written and syndicated by What the Fab.
The wedding drama continues
Paying for the wedding usually isn’t a responsibility for the maid of honor, except in this story.
One woman’s brother and bride-to-be expected her to use her own credit cards to pay for wedding vendor deposits.
They promised they would pay her back. When she wasn’t, she canceled every single vendor she had booked, causing the couple to become enraged.
Who was wrong? Here’s exactly how it went down.
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Elise Armitage is an entrepreneur and founder of What The Fab, a travel + lifestyle blog based in California. At the beginning of 2019, Elise left her corporate job at Google to chase her dreams: being an entrepreneur and helping women find fabulous in the everyday. Since then, she’s launched her SEO course Six-Figure SEO, where she teaches bloggers how to create a passive revenue stream from their website using SEO. Featured in publications like Forbes, Elle, HerMoney, and Real Simple, Elise is a firm believer that you can be of both substance and style.
