The families of the happy couple and wedding party play a huge role in making sure the big day goes off without a hitch, but how far does that generosity extend? Do maid of honor duties include paying for the wedding?
One bride pushed the limit when she made her future sister-in-law her maid of honor, then promptly asked her to cover some of the costs of the wedding while awaiting repayment from her parents.
After failing to get paid back in a timely manner, the sister-in-law canceled the wedding after shelling out thousands of dollars on deposits and reservations. Instead of being angry about the lost money, the SIL felt guilty for ruining the special day despite the bride lashing out at her.
Who was in the wrong? Here’s how it played out and what people had to say:
Background
The sister-in-law and maid of honor, or original poster (OP), has a brother. Her brother met his future bride, Ella, at a party three years ago. OP is 27, her brother is 30, and his bride is 28. OP never really got along with Ella, but saw that her brother was happy with her, so she always tried to keep the peace.
Why don’t OP and Ella get along?
Ella was constantly making “mean girl” style comments towards OP. She would make passive-aggressive comments about OP’s appearance, weight, and makeup. Most frustrating to OP, Ella would make hateful comments when she would bring her beloved dog, Toast, to her parents’ or brother’s house.
Why did Ella ask OP to be her maid of honor if she wasn’t nice to her?
As OP describes, Ella doesn’t have sisters and doesn’t have any close girlfriends either. She wasn’t that close with the other two bridesmaids she had, and the idea of making OP her maid of honor made OP’s brother happy. For this reason, OP agreed to fulfill maid of honor duties for Ella.
What happened?
OP didn’t realize that Ella’s expected maid of honor duties for her meant that she would be doing all of the wedding planning. OP was expected to book the venue, florist, band, you name it.
Not only that, but Ella expected that OP would put her own credit card for all of the wedding deposits. Ella guilt-tripped OP and her brother by telling them about how her parents had promised her a lavish wedding budget when she was younger. They had to dig into it to cover recent hardships. She’d complain that it wouldn’t be the wedding of her dreams now that she only had one-third of the budget that she thought she would, and most of it went to the dress.
OP had a well-paying job and knew that Ella and her brother weren’t well off, so she obliged when her brother requested that OP cover deposits for the bride under the guise that Ella’s parents would be the ones actually paying for the whole wedding.
Did Ella’s parents pay up?
Three weeks before the wedding, Ella became a bridezilla, snapping at anyone who crossed her as expenses were adding up for OP.
OP asked Ella if she had received the updated receipt of wedding expenses that OP provided, only for Ella to call her a slew of horrible names. Of Ella’s insults, the one that hurt OP the most was, “What do you need the money for anyway? Your sick dog is dead now.”
OP’s dog, Toast, had passed just one month earlier, devastating her.
How did OP respond?
OP was too stunned to speak, so she just left the room without saying anything. After driving home, she canceled every single vendor she had booked for the wedding. As OP described, “After almost 20 calls, all that was left of her wedding was the dress and the flower arch.”
She then texted her brother a brief explanation, informing him that the canceled vendors would be calling him to ask if he wanted to keep their services for the wedding. He would need to pay the deposits himself if so. OP also informed her brother that she would no longer be attending the wedding.
Are OP’s brother and Ella still together?
Immediately, OP’s phone started blowing up with texts. She felt horrible about the situation, but luckily her mother understood where she was coming from.
In an update she posted, OP communicated that after ignoring her brother for days, she finally caved and responded. Her brother then informed her that he and Ella were on a break, and she no longer had the engagement ring. He was furious when he heard what Ella said to OP.
Is OP getting paid back for the money she lost?
Unfortunately, there were some payments that OP couldn’t get back. As OP expected, Ella had hoped that OP would just gift her and OP’s brother the deposits for the wedding. She strung OP’s brother along by saying a surprise check would come from her grandparents to cover everything.
Ella’s parents agreed to sell her wedding dress to pay OP back in exchange for OP not pursuing legal action.
Was OP right for what she did? The internet had some strong opinions about this one:
This goes far beyond the responsibilities of the bridal party
“MOH duties do NOT include planning the whole wedding, and they certainly do NOT put down all the deposits and pay for the wedding,” simply put one commenter.
Another agreed, sharing, “In my experience as a best man, there is a lot of logistical work to be done, but this was to take the load off the couple so they can focus on being hosts and getting married. For example, making sure the musician got a tip (paid by the groom) before he headed off for the night, not hiring and paying him!”
OP did no wrong and should treat herself to a nice vacation
“Since you probably aren’t going to the wedding, that block of time is still freed up. Why don’t you take a day or two and go someplace special? Someplace nice, just for you. You deserve it, not just to make up for the way the bride treated you, but because of the loss of your dog.”
OP didn’t cancel the wedding. She simply freed herself
“You didn’t cancel the wedding. You extricated yourself from an exploitative situation. They’re still free to marry on their own thin dime,” wrote one individual to OP.
They continued, saying, “Your only possible slightly bad move was agreeing to be this witch’s MOH. You were generous and hard-working, only to be rewarded with cruelty. As Maya Angelou said, ‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.'”
Another individual agreed, responding, “(You) didn’t ruin HIS big day—just helped him to transition it from YOUR event to THEIR event. He still has time to reach out to his future in-laws so they can bring out their checkbook and get everything back on track.”
OP’s brother and Ella were never going to pay OP back
“They were never going to pay you back. It’s a good thing she showed how wicked she was before you got stuck with the bill. They shouldn’t be getting married if they don’t have the money.
“If her parents were going to pay, they could put down their card for deposits. When you give family money, don’t ever expect to get it back.”
This article was written and syndicated by What the Fab.
This bride canceled her own surprise wedding
Ella knew that her wedding was happening, but that wasn’t the case for one girlfriend. Without proposing first, this woman’s boyfriend brought her to a surprise wedding filled with her friends and family.
Here’s the thing: she didn’t want it, and her family was furious.
Is turning down an invitation to your best friend’s wedding ever justified?
That’s what one photographer asked after they politely declined their best friend’s wedding invitation, only for the bride to be furious.
The catch? The photographer told the bride in advance exactly which dates they couldn’t attend on, when asked by her.
Before every good wedding is an even better bachelorette party
There are few things more fun than spending a weekend with your closest girlfriends.
Plan the perfect escape with these 12 fun bachelorette party themes.
Elise Armitage is an entrepreneur and founder of What The Fab, a travel + lifestyle blog based in California. At the beginning of 2019, Elise left her corporate job at Google to chase her dreams: being an entrepreneur and helping women find fabulous in the everyday. Since then, she’s launched her SEO course Six-Figure SEO, where she teaches bloggers how to create a passive revenue stream from their website using SEO. Featured in publications like Forbes, Elle, HerMoney, and Real Simple, Elise is a firm believer that you can be of both substance and style.
