Parenting in a blended family can be tough, but it is even tougher when a stepchild feels like they’re not getting equal treatment to their stepparent’s biological child.
This was the case for one stepfather when he bought his biological daughter a car but refused for his stepdaughter.
The result? His wife and stepdaughter are labeling him “unfair” and giving him the cold shoulder.
Was he in the right? Here’s how it happened and what people think:
Backstory
The stepfather in question, or the original poster (OP), is married to Jenny, his wife. OP has one daughter of his own, Christina, who is 19. Jenny had a daughter with her previous husband, Emily, who is 17. Jenny was previously married to a very wealthy man—or so she thought.
When Emily was 12, her dad, Jenny’s ex-husband, was arrested for tax fraud. He’s now in jail, but before that, he spoiled Emily endlessly and gave her whatever she wanted, which OP thinks is why she lacks a good work ethic.
Jenny walked away with some money from the divorce but not nearly enough money to support the life lifestyle she once had.
What did OP do?
When Christina started high school, OP made a promise to her that if she maintained a 3.9 GPA, he would buy her a car with a value of up to $20,000 before her senior year. He threatened that if her GPA ever once dropped below 3.9, he would take it away.
Did Christina maintain her grades?
Christina managed to maintain a 4.0 from freshman to junior year, earning her the car. During this time, in her sophomore year, OP met Jenny and, subsequently, Emily.
Did Emily expect a car too?
Emily took OP by surprise when she texted him asking when OP would take her to go look at cars after she started her senior year of high school. OP didn’t realize Emily expected a car. In his words, “She has a 2.7 GPA and spends more time curating her Instagram than doing her homework.”
How did OP respond?
OP explained to Emily that Christina received a car for good grades, not “just because.” Feeling bad that he didn’t give Emily the same opportunity that he did his own daughter, OP came up with a new deal for Emily.
While Christina had to maintain her grades from freshman to junior year to receive her car, it was a little too late for Emily to do that. Instead, Emily would need to attain a 3.9 GPA within her senior year grades only and would need to get into an accredited college or university to get a car when she graduated.
How did Emily and Jenny react?
Jenny spoke to OP after Emily left for the day and told him that he was being “unfair since Emily had different circumstances than Christina.”
What did OP say?
According to OP, he told Jenny that he thought his “Only wrongdoing was not helping Emily develop a work ethic sooner.”
His hope for her is really that she gets her act together and is able to get the car. OP was willing to do anything in his power to assist Emily in polishing her college application and researching schools.
OP thought, “This was a fair deal, or even UNFAIR towards Christina since I made HER keep a 3.9 for all FOUR years of high school.”
Did Emily and Jenny understand OP’s logic?
Even after hearing OP’s willingness to help set Emily up for success and help her reach the car, Jenny and Emily chose to give him the cold shoulder.
At this point, OP didn’t know what else he could do, as he wanted to give Emily a “challenging, but attainable” goal but also didn’t want to cause tension within his family.
Was he wrong for giving Emily a different goal? Here’s what the internet thought:
Jenny is arguing against herself
“You are amazingly generous to make this offer to Emily, a person who you have only known for a few short years. The conditions are absolutely fair and reasonable by any measure—no one is owed a car.
“Jenny is way off base here and is (wrong) for demanding this. She is undermining her own argument. Her solution to Emily not having a good work ethic is to….give her a car instead of developing a good work ethic. No. Full stop.
“I’d keep the offer on the table as a take-it-or-leave-it. If Jenny is more focused on spoiling her daughter and trying to make you the ‘bad guy’ here, you should take a very hard look at your relationship with her. She looks very bad in this light.”
OP should tread carefully, or his biological daughter will resent him
“Your biological daughter was rewarded for her hard work. Your stepdaughter wants the reward without the work.
“Your daughter will resent you if you give in on this. Your stepdaughter will resent you (without cause) if you don’t. Do the right thing.”
Jenny can just buy Emily a car instead
“(Emily) being spoiled prior to your arrival in her life has absolutely nothing to do with you. You’d be crippling her further by buying her a car for simply existing and because your bio daughter got one.
“You’re a great dad based on this, and Jen giving you the cold shoulder is a total red flag.
“Your bio daughter maintained her grades, and she is better for it. Why wouldn’t the same apply to Emily? They’re both being unreasonable here. If Jen wants her kid to have a car “just because,” then she should buy it. If Emily picks up the slack on her grades and gets into college, a car is a great reward for doing her best.
“Another red flag—neither of them cares that your kid did what was expected of her and attained her goal, thereby receiving a car for a job well done.”
Does Emily learn as easily as Christina?
“I’m having a hard time with this one. I think that rewarding good grades is okay. However, maintaining a 3.9 GPA is insane. I was a top student and very dedicated, so I know just how hard that can be. I also know that people have varied abilities. I could get a 3.9, but my younger sister genuinely struggled to get a 3.0.
“Jenny is the mother of Emily. She ‘has some money of her own.’ She should be responsible for buying Emily a car. Why do both of them think that YOU should buy Emily a car yourself? All of this should have been communicated long before now.”
“I don’t think that you’re (wrong), but I also think there are some serious issues here.”
This article was written and syndicated by What the Fab.
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Elise Armitage is an entrepreneur and founder of What The Fab, a travel + lifestyle blog based in California. At the beginning of 2019, Elise left her corporate job at Google to chase her dreams: being an entrepreneur and helping women find fabulous in the everyday. Since then, she’s launched her SEO course Six-Figure SEO, where she teaches bloggers how to create a passive revenue stream from their website using SEO. Featured in publications like Forbes, Elle, HerMoney, and Real Simple, Elise is a firm believer that you can be of both substance and style.
