When a couple moves in together, diving up the housework in a way that’s fair to both parties can be a challenge.
When both partners work full-time, chores might be split down the middle. If one partner doesn’t work at all or only works part-time, they might shoulder more responsibility around the house.
This girlfriend found herself at odds with her boyfriend when he refused to take initiative when it came to their shared chores. Her solution? Dividing the housework unevenly to account for his passive approach.
Was she right to give her boyfriend more of the work? The internet had some strong opinions.
Here’s how the story played out and what people had to say:
Background
The girlfriend, or original poster (OP), is 23 years old. Her boyfriend, who is 26, recently moved into her apartment.
Before moving in with OP, her boyfriend previously lived with his family.
How are household chores divided?
OP’s boyfriend doesn’t want to take initiative when it comes to housework. Instead, he wants OP to tell him what to do and when.
She communicated that “it’s unfair to expect (her) to carry the sole responsibility of the household and to always be aware of when something needs to be done. He said it wasn’t that much work.”
What happened?
One night, OP was cooking and asked her boyfriend to set the table. A simple task, right?
Not so. The table was sticky from spilled drinks and filled with dice, empty cans, game boxes, papers, and pens from the couple hosting a game night the previous day.
Instead of removing the additional items and wiping off the table, OP’s boyfriend set the table exactly as it was, with “barely any room to eat,” according to OP.
How did OP react?
OP asked why her boyfriend didn’t clear and wipe down the table before setting it, to which he responded, “You didn’t tell me to.”
In her words, “I should have asked him to clear the table, wipe it down, and then set it. So it was my fault.”
To keep things organized moving forward, OP made a list of chores that always need to get done, like cooking meals, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, and changing bedsheets. She delegated about 60% of the work to her boyfriend and 40% of the work to herself.
See also: My Best Time Management Tips & Tricks: Modified Ivy Lee Method + Time Blocking
Was OP’s boyfriend happy with this arrangement?
OP’s boyfriend became upset when he heard that he would have to do 60% of the work, saying that it was “really unfair.”
OP responded to him, saying, “Managing everything is work too. If he expects me to do it, it’s unfair to expect me to do equal chores on top of it.”
She stressed, “The extra 10% for him isn’t to be petty or for making a list. It’s for the ‘chore’ of telling him when to do what. It should hopefully even out to 50/50.”
Was OP right for giving herself fewer chores than her boyfriend? This is what the internet thought:
OP’s boyfriend’s behavior is a dealbreaker
“To be honest, this would be a dealbreaker for me. You are not his mother, he should not require you to give him orders. Imagine having children with this guy, who cannot be expected to do (anything) unless told. Is this what you want for the rest of your life?
“If you accept this deal, you bet sooner or later he would complain you are ‘nagging.’
“(Search) ‘weaponized incompetence’ and ‘mental load.’ Think long and hard about this relationship. You are very young. I guarantee there are many better men out there.”
OP’s boyfriend belongs back at his parents’ house
“Message his mother and father and ask them to finish raising him. He’s not ready to leave the nest yet.”
Is OP’s boyfriend really 26?
“He’s 26 years old, and you need to tell him when to do things? Not even my 14-year-old cousin needs to be told when to do his chores.”
Micromanaging her boyfriend is definitely one of OP’s chores
Wrote one snarky individual, “Add ‘micromanage my (awful) bf’ as one of your chores to even out the list.”
Another added, “This, exactly. There’s even room to take a non-petty approach. ‘Managing/delegating chores’ is now a chore. Done.”
This husband boasted that his wife’s household chores were so easy he could do them
This husband didn’t want to do any chores himself—he just wanted to brag to his wife about how he could easily do her job.
The stay-at-home mom dropped out of an Ivy League engineering program before completing her bachelor’s degree so her husband could complete his master’s degree and secure a job in finance.
Do stay-at-home parents do hard work? Her husband didn’t seem to think so.
Does her husband have a point? This is how it happened.
Would you divorce a spouse who refused to do chores?
While working partners might get away with doing fewer chores while their spouse stays home, this wife wanted the best of both worlds: to lounge around all day and have to do no housework at all.
Is this husband wrong for yelling at her to get a job? Decide here.
This husband wanted to retire without his wife
One husband wanted to retire to South America for seven months out of the year, leaving behind their parents, children, and young grandchildren.
The other person he wanted to leave behind? His wife, who wanted to spend more time with their young grandchildren instead of jetting off to South America for the majority of the year.
Is leaving your spouse at home while you retire in the tropics okay?
This is what people have to say.
Elise Armitage is an entrepreneur and founder of What The Fab, a travel + lifestyle blog based in California. At the beginning of 2019, Elise left her corporate job at Google to chase her dreams: being an entrepreneur and helping women find fabulous in the everyday. Since then, she’s launched her SEO course Six-Figure SEO, where she teaches bloggers how to create a passive revenue stream from their website using SEO. Featured in publications like Forbes, Elle, HerMoney, and Real Simple, Elise is a firm believer that you can be of both substance and style.
