Bullying can make a child’s life frustrating and difficult at school. If not properly addressed, it could lead to self-esteem issues or other mental health challenges that last years.
In a misguided attempt to teach his child a life lesson, this father decided to force his son to invite his grade school bully to his birthday party.
When his son lashed out, the father took to the internet to ask if he was in the wrong, and they didn’t hold back their judgment.
Here’s how the story played out:
Backstory
The father, or the original poster (OP), is 41 and has twins: one boy, Aaron, and one girl, Sarah. His twins recently turned 11 years old, so the father threw them a birthday party to celebrate.
Who was invited to the party?
OP states that Aaron and Sarah were sending out invites to “everyone.” In the process, Aaron expressed that he really didn’t want to invite one boy from his class, Ben.
Aaron really didn’t want Ben to attend his party because Ben bullied Aaron. OP, however, didn’t see it that way.
How does Ben bully Aaron?
OP states, “I want to clarify that by ‘bully,’ it’s nothing really physical. He apparently just makes fun of Aaron, tease him with girls’ names, and once he even sent a girl in his class a letter by making it in Aaron’s name.
“I know Ben’s parents as we work together, and I also know the child. He’s just mischievous and hasn’t really touched Aaron physically. He just makes fun of him, etc.”
Was Ben invited to the party?
OP told Aaron that he had to invite Ben. Aaron refused and claimed that OP was “trying to ruin his day.”
In response to this, OP said, “I told him that while it’s his birthday and he should have fun, it’s also important to not punish someone else just because they are mischievous.
“I explained that he had to be the better man, especially since Ben hasn’t really done anything except from making fun of him, teasing him, and sending girls letters as people in that age group do.”
How did Aaron react?
At this point, Aaron got extremely upset. His twin sister, Sarah, took his side and also began standing up for him.
“I didn’t back down, however, and made him accept that Benjamin would be coming,” says OP.
Did Ben go to the party?
Ben attended the party, and it went smoothly. Aaron managed to get through the day without expressing disappointment.
It was after the party that drama ensued.
What happened?
When all the guests went home, Aaron let his father know how he really felt about being forced to invite Ben.
“He began to yell at me, saying that he hated me and that he’d never talk to me,” OP confessed.
How did OP react?
OP doesn’t express how he responded to Aaron at the time, however he shared online, “I just didn’t want to allow my son to throw a tantrum like that. Again, Ben hasn’t really done anything bad or bullied him in other ways.”
Was OP wrong for forcing his son to invite his bully to his birthday party? The internet had some colorful thoughts:
OP is a terrible parent
“Seriously? What kind of parent are you? Oh, that’s right. The worst kind ever!
“You don’t invite a bully to celebrate your son’s birthday party. It appears that you’re more concerned about appearances in regard to your co-workers and not with your child. Shame on you! How bad does it have to be for you to care about Aaron?
“Ben is tormenting your child—maybe it’s not serious in your eyes—but to Aaron, it is. You take your child’s side on this. You’re his protector—you don’t feed him to the lions to ‘be the better man.’
“What’s it going to take? Pushing, shoving, your child [doing something extreme] because of bullying? Man up and be a dad worthy of Aaron. Shame on you a thousand times over.”
Bullying isn’t just physical
“Bullying comes in many forms, not just physical. You need to back up your child in this situation. Gatekeeping bullying like this is both hilariously wrong and going to cause a rift between you and cause problems.
“Your own child came straight to you about bullying, and you dismissed him because ‘it’s not that bad.’ What even…”
OP wins the “Worst Parent of the Year Award”
“[You’re in the wrong]—and the winner of the Worst Parent of the Year Award:
“‘Ben hasn’t really done anything bad or bullied him in other ways.’
“Yes, yes, he has!!! Literally, Ben has been a huge bully to your own child, and you’re on here presenting the biggest case of denial I’ve seen in a long time. You don’t get to decide how your child feels by this kid’s bullying.
“Yes, bullying. It isn’t just physical. Your son literally communicated to you what this kid does to him and how it makes him feel, and your first thought is, ‘It isn’t bullying if it isn’t physical,’ You do know that denial is not a river in Egypt, yeah?
“If your son wanted to, he could go to the school and put Ben and his parents (you know, your friends) in a world of hurt. That last part, I think, is where you have completely lost the plot. You’re more worried about your friendship with Ben’s parents than you are about the treatment their child gives to yours. Worst parent of the year.”
Aaron is too old to be forced to invite everyone
“Look, one person’s teasing may be another person’s bullying.
“Your son is 11 years old—you’re way past the stage of ‘we have to invite everyone in the classroom.’ Your son made it clear he was deeply uncomfortable with having Ben there, and you completely disregarded his feelings, most likely because you didn’t want to [upset] a colleague.
“Way to send your son a strong message that it’s not okay to set boundaries, and now he knows that he can’t count on you to have his back when people treat him poorly.”
Would OP feel the same if his daughter was being teased?
“Your son told you a person was making him uncomfortable. He asked to not be around the person who made him uncomfortable. You ignored him and made him be around that person.
“If this was your daughter and the person making her uncomfortable was making inappropriate comments to her, would you force her to be around them? You are writing off [dangerous] behavior as ‘mischievous’ that rings of the ‘boys will be boys’ nonsense. You are teaching your kids that they can’t stand up for themselves, that you don’t have their back, and that their feelings don’t matter to you.”
This article was written and syndicated by What the Fab.
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Elise Armitage is an entrepreneur and founder of What The Fab, a travel + lifestyle blog based in California. At the beginning of 2019, Elise left her corporate job at Google to chase her dreams: being an entrepreneur and helping women find fabulous in the everyday. Since then, she’s launched her SEO course Six-Figure SEO, where she teaches bloggers how to create a passive revenue stream from their website using SEO. Featured in publications like Forbes, Elle, HerMoney, and Real Simple, Elise is a firm believer that you can be of both substance and style.
