Gift pools in the office—kind gesture or uncomfortable peer pressure? Though colleagues pooling money towards a gift for a fellow coworker isn’t anything new, they can become awkward when someone doesn’t want to join in by donating.
One man was shunned by his coworkers after refusing to donate $20 to help a teammate with cancer. The catch? The teammate had tried to get him fired just months before his diagnosis, leaving the man with sour feelings towards him.
The man took to the internet to ask if he was wrong for his refusal to donate.
Here’s how the story played out and what people thought:
Background
The man, or original poster (OP), works in sales, suggesting that part of his income is commission-based.
Last year, his coworker, “Alex,” actively tried to get OP fired from his job.
How did Alex try to get OP fired?
Alex created false allegations against OP, causing an investigation to be opened against him. The investigation took months and caused stress for OP both at work and at home.
Even though all of the claims were proven to be fabricated and OP kept his job, the ordeal still cost him tens of thousands of dollars in lost income.
What happened?
A few months after the investigation concluded, Alex was diagnosed with cancer. Despite OP’s sour feelings towards Alex, he still sympathized with his condition, stating, “I wouldn’t wish cancer on my worst enemy.”
How did OP’s coworkers react?
To help Alex after hearing of his diagnosis, one of OP’s other coworkers sent a message to the whole team. The coworker requested that everyone donate $20 to help Alex and sign the “get well” card that he bought.
Did OP donate to Alex?
OP didn’t feel comfortable giving money to the man who caused him to lose so much income and tried taking away his job. He ignored his coworker’s message until the coworker reached out asking why OP hadn’t donated or signed the card yet.
OP explained to the coworker that he would not be donating to Alex or signing his card. The coworker then got incredibly upset, leaving OP wondering if he was wrong for not participating.
Was OP right for his harsh stance against Alex? The internet had some strong opinions:
OP doesn’t have money to donate after what Alex did to him
“Tell the person collecting that you are hard up for money after what this person did to you, and because of him, you cannot afford to donate. As you have not donated, you do not feel it proper to sign the card.
“If he keeps harassing you, go to HR.”
OP should go straight to HR
“Skip explaining yourself to your coworkers. It will either create drama or make you seem petty against a cancer patient. People get squirrelly about how cancer patients are treated after diagnosis and coming out publicly. It’s like speaking ill of the dead for some people.
“Instead, I’d go to HR and inquire what the policy is about donations between coworkers. Express that you have been made uncomfortable about not participating and that you would really prefer not to have to justify your financial situation or decisions with your coworkers.
“Ask if the policy is meant to either be entirely opt-in with no comment for or against an individual’s decision or that there be a way for it to be anonymous. If the policy is not either of these two options, or if they do not have one, ask why this isn’t the case.
“HR will probably want to nip this in the bud. I know a lot of folks say that HR works for the company, and that’s true, but this kind of thing just creates needless and petty headaches for them that they’d rather avoid.”
Cancer doesn’t absolve Alex of his actions
“This coworker has put you in a very stressful situation that has affected your mental health and your daily life. He has intentionally hurt you, and I don’t see why you would want to help him even if he is very ill.
Cancer is a terrible thing, but you don’t have to give money or sign the card just so you won’t be seen as (a bad person). Consider that your coworkers might judge you for your choice, though.”
No one should ever feel pressured to donate at work at all
“Even without the bad blood, no one should be expected under any circumstances to participate in any kind of gift to a coworker. If it is important that this be done, it should be the company and not the employees who take the initiative.”
This article was written and syndicated by What the Fab.
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Elise Armitage is an entrepreneur and founder of What The Fab, a travel + lifestyle blog based in California. At the beginning of 2019, Elise left her corporate job at Google to chase her dreams: being an entrepreneur and helping women find fabulous in the everyday. Since then, she’s launched her SEO course Six-Figure SEO, where she teaches bloggers how to create a passive revenue stream from their website using SEO. Featured in publications like Forbes, Elle, HerMoney, and Real Simple, Elise is a firm believer that you can be of both substance and style.
