A new baby will completely change someone’s life. Between new schedules and routines, parents often find themselves with less time to see friends.
A group of friends was frustrated when their friend, a young mom, wouldn’t go anywhere without her six-month-old baby. Eventually, her friends stopped inviting her to hang out.
When the mother found out she was being excluded, she became upset, demanding to know why. One of the friends finally caved, telling her that her baby was the problem, which only made the mother even more enraged.
The friend took to the internet to ask if she was in the wrong for excluding her friend and telling her the honest truth.
Here’s what happened:
Background
The honest friend, or the original poster (OP), is 24. Her friend, Anna, is also 24 and just had a baby six months ago.
OP and her other friends are not parents. They used to hang out with Anna all the time before her baby was born.
How has OP’s relationship with Anna changed since the baby?
After having her baby, Anna insisted on bringing the baby everywhere she went, including when she hung out with Anna and their other friends.
OP and her friends tried their best to accommodate Anna’s new role as a parent but became frustrated. “We shouldn’t drink because Anna can’t drink. We shouldn’t be loud because the baby needs to sleep. Icing on the cake is that her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for the rest of us,” said OP.
Did OP and her friends keep accommodating Anna?
Anna’s baby caused OP and her friends a lot of inconvenience, including having to leave dinner early because of the baby’s nonstop crying. They tried communicating adults-only events to Anna previously, but she’d always show up with the baby.
Tired of navigating Anna’s demands, OP and her friends started hanging out without Anna and her baby. Anna refused to leave her baby at home, and the friends just wanted alone time.
What happened?
Anna discovered that her friends had been excluding her after they planned a staycation without her.
“We had a great time and posted photos and videos on [social media]. Anna saw these and called me to ask why I did not ask her to come with. I tried telling her it was a last-minute plan and we could only find a child-free resort so as to not hurt her feelings,” OP explained.
Did Anna believe OP?
“[Anna] called my bluff, sending me pics some random family had posted with kids at the resort,” OP admitted.
Determined to get to the truth, Anna continually pressed OP to find out why her friends didn’t invite her to the staycation.
Did OP tell Anna the truth?
Anna wouldn’t leave OP alone, so eventually, OP caved and told Anna the truth. “I finally told her it’s a baby, and we are all young. We don’t want to live our lives around a baby she chose to have. We get to do adult stuff and party all we want.
“Her baby is the only reason she wasn’t invited. If she leaves the baby at home, she can come too.”
How did Anna react?
Anna learned a hard lesson in “Be careful what you wish for.” OP’s truthfulness made her incredibly upset. She became angry with OP and texted all of their friends about her disappointment in being excluded.
Did OP’s friends say anything?
According to OP, “Half of our friend group thinks I should not have told her the real reason and is mad at me. The other half thinks she is unreasonable.”
Was OP justified in telling Anna the truth? The internet weighed in:
Anna misses her pre-baby life
“Here’s the cold hard truth: a baby changes your life. The things you used to do you can no longer do.
“Your friend misses her pre-baby life, which is why she wants to be included in all of your hangouts.
“Your friend’s lifestyle has now changed, but her trying to force those changes on you?! Yea, NOPE. Your friend’s choice to have a baby has impacted her social life, but she cannot and should not impose those changes on you.
“As a friend, suggest she finds some mommy groups. She will meet moms that she can relate to in a way that you and your friend group cannot.”
Anna isn’t just being excluded for being a mom
“You’re not excluding her because she’s a mom. You’re excluding her because she makes being a mom everyone else’s problem. She won’t leave the baby home. She expects you to cater to her needs. It sounds like she doesn’t remove the baby from the situation when it’s fussy, so you all have to deal with it.
“You have every right to want to be young and act like it. She needs to accept that having a baby has changed things for her, but that doesn’t mean everyone else has to change everything to accommodate that.”
OP was right for telling Anna the truth
“Doesn’t sound like you were cruel about it. You are early 20s friends who want to go out, have some drinks, and generally be in adult environments. You shouldn’t be expected to revolve your whole social life around Anna’s needs as a mother.
“[It] would be nice to occasionally do some stuff with her and the baby. Perhaps when the baby gets older, Anna can get a sitter and come out with you.
“You were right to tell her the truth.”
OP and her friends should have talked to Anna before this happened
“Why don’t people talk to each other anymore? The same way she called to confront you about being excluded from the staycation, you and your friends could have called her to tell her she was messing up the vibe of your group hangouts by bringing her baby all the time.
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting child-free time with your friends, but pulling passive-aggressive stuff like this is wrong.”
This article was written and syndicated by What the Fab.
Is this mother’s behavior worse than Anna’s?
Although Anna didn’t handle the situation well, at least she didn’t do what this mother did.
After her child spilled glitter and glue all over a passenger on the plane, the mother screamed obscenities at the passenger while flight attendants stood quietly by.
Would you divorce a spouse who refused to do chores?
This wife wanted the best of both worlds: to lounge around all day and have to do no housework at all.
Is this husband wrong for yelling at her to get a job? Decide here.
This isn’t the only friend drama on the internet
When a friend received an incredible career opportunity, her best friend became angry. The friend’s opportunity meant they would no longer be able to attend her wedding.
Was the friend right for skipping the wedding?
Elise Armitage is an entrepreneur and founder of What The Fab, a travel + lifestyle blog based in California. At the beginning of 2019, Elise left her corporate job at Google to chase her dreams: being an entrepreneur and helping women find fabulous in the everyday. Since then, she’s launched her SEO course Six-Figure SEO, where she teaches bloggers how to create a passive revenue stream from their website using SEO. Featured in publications like Forbes, Elle, HerMoney, and Real Simple, Elise is a firm believer that you can be of both substance and style.
