I Excluded My Manipulative Brother From Our Family Vacation. Here’s Why I Refuse to Give in Despite My Parents’ Begging

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Is it okay to exclude a member of your family from a family vacation?

One woman came under fire for “excluding” her older brother from the family vacation she planned. After her brother pointed fingers and her parents begged her to allow him to go, she couldn’t help but start to wonder if she was in the wrong.

She turned to the internet to solve their family drama, who offered their honest, unfiltered feedback about the situation.

Is this situation a result of her brother’s own actions, or did the woman actually mess up? This is how the story played out:

Background

A year ago, the woman, or the original poster (OP), started planning a vacation for her brothers and parents. OP is 29, and her brothers are 25 and 33. All three of the siblings have jobs that pay well.

For the sake of clarity in this story, we’ll call OP’s older brother Alex and her younger brother Mike.

How is OP’s family paying for their vacation?

OP’s idea was that the trip would be a gift for their parents. Each of the siblings would pay for their own travel expenses. Their parents’ travel expenses would be divided equally between the three siblings.

Her siblings had mixed responses to this approach. “My younger brother was more than happy to contribute while my oldest brother made excuses,” says OP.

What was OP’s parents’ reaction to the idea?

OP’s parents were thrilled to hear that their children were planning such a generous trip. When OP told them of this plan at their family dinner, she caveated by saying that she wasn’t sure if Alex, her older brother, could go.

Her parents asked Alex why he was hesitant to go, so he gave all kinds of excuses, such as “I don’t know if I’ll be busy that day” and “I am not sure I can afford it.”

Did OP give Alex time to think about going?

OP started planning this trip a year ago. Six months ago, she asked Alex if he could decide whether or not he was going as she was trying to book plane tickets.

Alex said he still wasn’t sure about going, so if he did, he’d book his own plane tickets, which OP had no issue with.

That wasn’t the only reminder Alex got

Even though Alex told OP that he wasn’t sure about going six months ago, she decided to give her brother one last chance to join the family vacation.

Three months ago, OP asked Alex again if he would like to go, making it clear that this was the last time she would be asking. If he changed his mind later, it would be too late.

Did Alex take OP seriously?

Instead of giving OP a clear yes or no answer, he again started making excuses.

At that point, OP told Alex that because he couldn’t give her a straight answer, she had to interpret his response as no, he didn’t want to go on the trip.

What happened?

Three months after OP’s final conversation about the trip with Alex, she was having lunch with Mike, her younger brother. During this lunch, Alex called to say that he had changed his mind about the family vacation—he would be going after all.

Were OP and Mike excited about Alex’s change of heart?

OP and Mike were accepting of Alex’s decision to go on the trip, telling him that it was going to make their parents happy. However, the siblings had to make it clear to Alex that because he changed his mind so late, the price of his share of the trip would need to go up because last-minute changes to travel are expensive.

How did Alex react?

Alex wasn’t happy to hear that his share of the trip was rising in price. “He absolutely lost it and said it wasn’t fair and that it wasn’t his fault I was a [terrible] planner,” OP explains.

OP’s younger brother jumped in to defend her. “[Mike] jumped in and told him that we both paid for our parents’ share and have been asking and asking for months if he was going. It’s not our fault you can’t make up your mind.”

What was OP’s parents’ reaction?

After Mike stepped in on OP’s behalf, Alex hung up. Shortly after, the siblings received a call from their parents. OP’s parents said that Alex had been excited to go on the trip but couldn’t afford it anymore because of the cost of his share rising.

OP’s parents had an idea

OP’s parents offered to pay for Alex’s share, allowing all five of them to go on the vacation OP planned. OP disagreed with this idea because the trip was meant to be a gift for their parents. In her mind, she gave Alex more than enough of a fair warning—this situation was a result of his own indecision and disregard for it—but she understands that she can’t control what her parents do.

OP also adds, “My brother is able to afford the trip but chooses not to pay for it as my parents have a history of paying for things should he throw a fit.”

Now, Alex is calling OP a horrible person for excluding him from the trip.

Is OP actually in the wrong? Here’s what the internet had to say:

Alex needs to learn his lesson

“Remind your parents of all the times you asked [Alex] and reminded him and gave him very clear boundaries. Also, it’s totally unfair of your parents to pay for him when you and your other brother are paying for yourselves and your parents.

“You can’t play happy families unless parents actually treat all their kids like the adults they are. This should be a lesson for your brother that your parents should let him learn rather than reinforcing his tantrum.”

OP should rub her and Mike’s generosity in

“[You’re not in the wrong], but let your parents do as they please. Then, during the vacation, do little things that make it clear this was a gift from you and your other brother to your parents.

“Little things like ‘[Mike] and I just really felt we wanted to pay you back a little of the wonderful things you have done for us.’ or ‘Because you were such wonderful parents, [Mike] and I wanted to show how appreciative we are.’

“Make sure your older brother hears these statements. Make sure he knows this was not a gift from him.”

Alex is playing a manipulative game

“See, you and [Mike] paid for [your parents], so there’s PLENTY of money for them to pay for him. That way, he gets it all, and you get stuck with the bill, and he not only gets to get the trip for free, he gets to make YOU the bad guy as well.

“It’s genius, really [end sarcasm].”

This might be OP’s last family vacation

“If your parents are determined to pay for your brother after you have expressed your opinion, I would keep my mouth shut and let them handle all the arrangements without my assistance. And I would never, ever go on a family vacation ever again.”

Alex did this to himself

“[Alex] is weird and acting like a child over something completely his fault. [You’re not in the wrong]. Continue with your plans on the trip and let him figure his [business] out. He’s grown and did it to himself. Ignore his comments and complaints, I genuinely can’t see how you’re [in the wrong] here.”

This article was written and syndicated by What the Fab.

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