Three magical words, eight letters, and an awkward silence while you figure out what to say back. If you’re trying to figure out how to respond to “I love you” when you aren’t ready to reciprocate yet (or maybe just don’t want to at all), you’re not alone.
Being the recipient of an unexpected “I love you” can be overwhelming and stressful. You probably don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, but you also don’t want to say something you don’t mean or risk ending your love story early.
When asked, “What’s the best response to “I love you” when you’re not ready to say it back?” the internet jumped in with dozens of perfect (or at least entertaining) responses to the paralyzing phrase.
Here’s how to respond to “I Love You” when you’re not quite ready to say it back:
1. “That means a lot to me”
When Monica Lewinsky told former President Bill Clinton that she loved him, he famously replied, “That means a lot to me.”
The short and sweet response is actually not a bad answer. As one individual explained, “(It) acknowledges the sentiment, establishes appreciation, and leaves the door open to future development. Obviously, there’s badness coming from a married man whose wife is not aligned with the relationship, but that’s a separate issue.”
2. “We’re reading the same book. You’re just a few chapters ahead”
This cute response injects some playfulness into an uncomfortable situation. Though, I might agree with commenters who described that “(It’s a) great response for a movie or TV show, but in real life it’s going to be more like ‘that was surprisingly verbose…did you have that ready? Did you memorize a phrase to say for when this happens?'”
In a sweet moment, for the right couple, this response would definitely work.
3. “I know”
While this response might sound like a joke, the internet pointed out that coming from the right person, it could be really attractive. One individual said, “Stated with the right level of confidence, it would be attractive to get this response from a girl. To me, it’s a playful way to avoid it but also says it might happen in the future.”
Another responder agreed, “My ex-girlfriend did this to me. She’s my wife now.” Who knows, maybe this is how you and your partner start your lives together.
4. “We appreciate your loyalty. Here’s a $25 gift card”
Love can’t be bought, but maybe a response to an unwanted “I love you” can be?
While I can’t recommend actually doing this, a commenter responding to this suggestion has given me food for thought when it comes to uncomfortable social situations, “Am I allowed to just use gift cards to get out of all awkward social situations? I think I’m going to start carrying a stack of them. I can just hand them out and then walk away.”
A different individual suggested another emotionless response, writing, “Your sentiment has been noted. I’ll take it under consideration. Thank you.”
5. “I appreciate you being honest and telling me how you feel. I’m not there yet, but I think I will be someday”
Honesty is always the best policy, especially when it comes to love. Acknowledging your partner’s vulnerability while being upfront and open with them about where your emotions are can prevent them from feeling rejected, unwanted, or unseen.
As a girlfriend who was the “I love you” teller explained, “I said I love you before my partner was ready to say it back. He said, ‘I appreciate you being honest and telling me how you feel. I’m not there yet, but I think I will be someday.’ We now live together, and I think he says it more than I do.”
The approach seems to have worked for several relationships, as another agreed, writing, “This happened with me and my now husband too! He said it before I was ready, and I gently told him I really cared about him too, that I appreciated his feelings, but I wasn’t ready to say it yet. I’d gone through an awful breakup before dating him, so it was scary to have him say it at first. Now it’s my favorite thing.”
6. Lean into the awkwardness
Okay, maybe actually don’t do this, but it’s a good laugh to imagine what this individual suggested when asked how to respond to I love you. “‘Cool…’ and then finger guns,” the user described. Someone else followed up with, “Don’t forget to add ‘pew pew’ or ‘ka-chow’ to really make your feelings clear.”
7. “That’s very sweet, and I’m flattered that you feel that way. I’d like to take things slow and not rush into using such strong words, but I’m enjoying the time we’ve spent together so far”
Another honest answer, this approach is meaningful, acknowledging the time you’ve spent with your significant other without suggesting that you’re falling in love or quite there yet.
Using this response could also be telling about the person you’re dating. As the suggester of this phrase elaborated, “If someone can’t understand wanting to go slow, they’re not worth waiting for.”
8. Whale Sounds
While ejecting awkward humor into your response probably won’t go well, for one couple, it became a running joke.
“I said it too soon. She responded with something resembling whale sounds. I drove home that night thinking I would never see her again.
“6 years later, sometimes when one of us says ‘I love you,’ the other one will make whale sounds back.”
9. Whatever you do, don’t ignore it
This response put it best, “You do not have to say it back, but always acknowledge it. It can be as simple as kissing them, saying thank you, I love hearing that, I care about you too, etc., but straight up ignoring it is extremely harmful.”
Or, as this commenter so eloquently stated, “Ignoring it is a one-way ticket to being single.”
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Elise Armitage is an entrepreneur and founder of What The Fab, a travel + lifestyle blog based in California. At the beginning of 2019, Elise left her corporate job at Google to chase her dreams: being an entrepreneur and helping women find fabulous in the everyday. Since then, she’s launched her SEO course Six-Figure SEO, where she teaches bloggers how to create a passive revenue stream from their website using SEO. Featured in publications like Forbes, Elle, HerMoney, and Real Simple, Elise is a firm believer that you can be of both substance and style.
