Being a woman is hard. Between fighting for equal rights, that time of the month, and often feeling unseen or unheard, sometimes it feels like women don’t have it quite as easy as men.
When asked, “What is the hardest part of being a woman?” women of the internet jumped in with the frustrating reasons why being a woman is hard.
Here’s what they had to say:
1. Aging and the pressure to look youthful
“The idea that women are on the scrap heap at 30 is garbage. I was probably at my peak attractiveness in my late 30s, but even now, at 51, men still react well. I’m very average, looks wise, but being genuinely comfortable with yourself is something that improves with age, and many people find it attractive.”
2. Being accused of doing everything for “attention”
“People are obsessed with the idea that women do literally everything for ‘attention.’
“Mentally ill? Attention-seeking. Physically ill? Attention-seeking. Victim of SA? Attention-seeking. Promiscuous? Attention-seeking. Feminist? Attention-seeking. Vegan? Attention-seeking. Alternative? Attention-seeking. Queer? Attention-seeking.
“It is absolutely surreal how often women go without very necessary resources because people apply a veneer of skepticism to every single claim they make.
“And what would the end goal even be? Who is giving all this attention? Who is fawning over all these women and waiting on them hand and foot? I sure don’t know, but for some reason, the idea of women being dramatic whiners is more pervasive than the known fact that women’s healthcare is abysmal or that [SA] occurs at an astronomically high rate towards women.”
3. Invisible labor
“I do so so so SO much for my family, and it’s either not noticed, or I’m accused of being overbearing or not being able to relax.
“The expectation to be everything.”
4. Hearing “it’s just anxiety” from doctors
“My mom’s doctor brushed off her symptoms for nine months with ‘it’s just anxiety’ before I forced her to go to a specialist. She died of bowel cancer 11 months later. Had the first doctor taken her seriously, she would’ve had a chance to survive. She was 55.”
5. The female reproductive system
“Everything related to our reproductive system. Periods, hormonal cycles, contraceptives, pregnancy…don’t get me wrong, I love being a woman, and I want to be a mother. I don’t think those things are bad, but they’re definitely very hard.”
6. Double standards for hobbies and interests
“If a woman is working in a male-dominated industry, she’s required to be one of the best, and mistakes are met with misogynistic ‘women can’t do anything right’ [jargon]. She can’t be just average like a man can; it’s a weird double standard.
“Or if I woman has more masculine hobbies or interests and the men around her find out, most of the time they’ll end up ‘quizzing’ her to see if she’s actually into it or faking.”
7. Lack of respect
“For me it’s the combination of all the little things that build up. They’re all connected. But if I had to pick only one, it’s the final boss of nobody ever believing you about anything.
“I am always questioned on everything, even things that I am literally an expert in, by people who have absolutely no credentials. And I’m questioned on the reality of the other things I mentioned before. Could my chronic pain actually be that bad? Am I sure that my ex was taking advantage of me? Everyone wants to play devil’s advocate when the devil is doing a fine job advocating for himself.”
8. Unequal household responsibilities
“You know what the worst thing [about being a woman] is? That despite the societal pressure to maintain a full-time career, you also have to do the majority of housework and childcare, even though you’re technically working the same amount of time as your partner.
“Women are expected to do the majority of care work in their families, they do most of the invisible labor, and they’re expected to do it all at the cost of their well-being. On top of this, you’re expected to have children, have to have a period, and also have to give birth. It’s baloney.”
9. Constant vigilance
“It’s almost second nature for me (as a woman) to be on guard when a strange man approaches me or is just staring at me. It could be harmless, but I don’t know that.”
10. Endometriosis and PCOS
“The fact that these conditions are not taken seriously. I have endometriosis, and it took me four years to get an actual diagnosis and treatment that worked.
“Before, when I said ‘Yeah, my cramps hurt so bad that I can’t sleep, and it feels like I have appendicitis” they would just say “oh yeah, that’s normal, here’s ibuprofen.’
“It is so normalized for women to just deal with pain that they didn’t follow up. I finally got a doctor [who] took me seriously, and he coached me on my best options and made sure to screen me for PCOS, too, in case it was that.”
11. Always getting objectified
“I can’t tell you how many guy friends I’ve heard say they love living in the cities. I live in the cities, too, and I get yelled at by gross [men] once a week. I rarely feel safe. Just two days ago, I decided to take a shortcut through a parking lot, thinking I could just walk quickly through. And, of course, some frat guys were taking a smoke break and yelled at me super loudly about how they liked my [chest]. It was disgusting.
12. Being second-guessed
“Everyone is gaslighting your choices.
“From not wanting children, acting girly, not wanting a man, not wanting friends, not caring about looks, not caring about likeability, wanting to be independent, wanting to pursue masculine hobbies(football).”
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Elise Armitage is an entrepreneur and founder of What The Fab, a travel + lifestyle blog based in California. At the beginning of 2019, Elise left her corporate job at Google to chase her dreams: being an entrepreneur and helping women find fabulous in the everyday. Since then, she’s launched her SEO course Six-Figure SEO, where she teaches bloggers how to create a passive revenue stream from their website using SEO. Featured in publications like Forbes, Elle, HerMoney, and Real Simple, Elise is a firm believer that you can be of both substance and style.
